Look, Garth, I'm in Delaware...

So Young and I took quite some time getting out of NYC but that's because it was only the two of us moving things out of the apartment, onto the elevator, down the elevator, down a flight of stairs, and then into the truck. Then we had to drive to DE. We didn't get here until 5am or some ridiculous hour like that.

But we still went to the 24-hour Walmart.

Now I know that since I am officially employed by a union that I need to stop going to Wal-mart. But since I've come back to DE and we've been sleeping odd hours, the only place open has been Walmart. And since we're doing some renovations, it is much cheaper than Home Depot or Lowes.

Of course, after going to Walmart twice in one day, I remembered exactly why I hate it. And we all should.

For one, there was an employee who was waiting on the management to relieve her from her shift. She waited over an hour and was still waiting when we left. Not neat.

And at two different Walmarts in one day, we saw two different fights.

That's right.

Now you might be wondering, "is that because it's Walmart or because you're in Delaware?"

To be honest, I wasn't sure of the correct answer to that. But after having been here a week, I assure you that it's Wal-hole.

The first fight started some aisles down from us at around 2am. All of a sudden we heard screaming and yelling that sounded like this:

Dumbass 1( DA1): "What the hell is your problem?"

Dumbass 2 (DA2) "What's your problem?"

DA1: "I'm looking for a sign to put on my car because I'm selling it, do you have a fucking problem with that?"

DA2: "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

DA1: "Why you gotta be all up in my shit?"

DA2: "You trying to start something?"

DA1: "You're lucky I don't have my gatt here, I'd pop a cap in your ass right now!"

DA2: "BRING IT, BITCH! We can go outside and I'll get my fucking shotgun!"

More yelling ensues, your typical pissing match, one guy trying to prove he's got a bigger penis.

Finally, Walmart security (don't laugh) kicked them out. Soon, the whole place was talking about the fight. Turns out they were fighting because Dumbass 2 was staring at Dumbass 1 while Dumbass 1 was looking for "For Sale" signs. Hi, if you're severely unbalanced and will threaten to "pop a cap in someone's ass" because they were looking at you funny for a second, you shouldn't go out in public.

The second fight happened right in front of us. To be specific, in the parking space next to us. We happened to be returning to the car when we heard this woman in a minivan hanging out of the window yelling at the car that had just parked next to me.

Dumbass lady in white van (Stupid): Hello?!! I've been waiting here for five minutes. I know you saw me. What the hell is wrong with you?!! I was waiting.

Car full of family on their way to Walmart (Spacetakers): [walking away, but turning around to hear Stupid]

Stupid: "Yeah, that's right. I'm talking to you. Go ahead, have a good time in there. I'll still be here when you get back, you'll just have four slashed tires."

Spacetaker 1: [whipping around] "Bitch! What the fuck is your problem?"

Stupid: "My problem is that I've been waiting here for five minutes for that spot and you just up and take it!"

Spacetaker 2: "What the fuck is wrong with you? We parked there, bitch!"

Stupid: "And I'll fuck up your car!"

Spacetaker 3: "Bitch, I will slap you!"

Stupid: "I'll fucking bitchslap you!"

Spacetaker 1: "Get out of the car!"

Stupid gets out of the car, arms extended, head bobbing left to right.

Stupid: "Yeah, bitch, what you gonna do?"

Spacetaker 2: "I'm gonna fuck you up!"

Stupid: "Go ahead and try!"

Spacetaker 4: "Your name ain't on the parking space! Get the fuck back in your car and wait, bitch!"

This whole time, we're just putting shit in the car and trying to get out of there. Hey stupid lady in the white van, I'm leaving. You can take my spot.

'Tis the season to be merry, right? What the hell. It was just a parking space!

God. i'm in Delaware.