Damn, I miss the Big Apple.

So Young and I drove up yesterday to go to holiday parties with our former co-workers and do some errands and see some friends.

I've had a fabulous time so far and I will fully report on it, but there is something I quickly want to pass onto anyone who actually reads this.

As I walked from the 4/5 at City Hall towards my old office at Citizens Union, I saw this very white guy with his black friend crossing the street in front of me. Sure, it's New York. But what attracted me to the white guy was the fact that he was wearing jeans below his ass with a studded belt and his man panties (boxer briefs) were hanging out. He wore a v-neck tight sweater with a smallish jean jacket. He walked with a swagger that only Eminem-wannabes could have. He talked like Kenny, or "Special K" from Can't Hardly Wait.

And he had an iPod hanging perilously off of his left hip, balanced only by a small piece of metal, as he swaggered across the street.

Now, I have left my tendency to swipe a few things behind in the many gift shops along highways.

But I was tempted.

I passed the test. But here were a few thoughts running through my head:

1. If you're gonna go "gangsta" do it right. Don't look like a cross between Moby, Archie, and Elvis Costello wearing your studded belt big-ass jeans below your ass so the whole world can see your man panties. Wear the xxl shirt and cover that up, yo. Lose the tight v-neck sweater. And wear a puff jacket, for chrissakes.

2. Um, don't put your expensive iPod on the hip of your jeans where it will hang by your knees. You deserve to have me or some other thug monkey swipe that, dumbass.

and finally:

3. Why can't I have an iPod?

Ah. Christmas in a week. I can at least take care of that one...