VOTE DAMMIT!

As I find myself in the midst of yet another Election Day and on the cusp of returning to Iowa for the second time, I am completely delirious.

I will admit that I have really begun to like it out here in Buffalo. It's honestly a really great town. And I actually believe that if a job presented itself to me, I might actually consider it because I've come to be quite fond of this town.

And yes, I return to Albany tomorrow, for one whole evening, before being sent out to Iowa until the Caucus. Expect yet another blog to be attached to this one, reminiscent of the 2004 "Tails from the Trail".

In the meantime, I just had an enlightening conversation with my colleague that can only be best described as fuzzy as we both left the office after 10pm and returned less than 8 hours later.

It occurs to me that there are few records of what I am about to post below. And after a few Google searches, I managed to find it.

So for those of you who have ever wondered exactly what Lisa sang in Dirty Dancing, you know, that hula song she sings for the talent show at Kellerman's, enjoy the following.

Oh, and if you have races in your towns, go out and vote!

Cheers.

Who’s this Hula hana, of kamana whala hula bay, she will hula when you have a lovely gift she wants, you’ll hear her say, bring me a pineapple that doesn't sting a bird that swims a fish that sings, I wanna I really wanna, bring me a volcano that blows up all the molten jama and a blue banana,
I canna canna bring me a pineapple that doesn't sting a bird that swims a fish that sings, I wanna I really wanna,
bring me a volcano that blows up all the molten jama and a blue banana, I canna canna and you can wackle all you wanna, while I hula all the day away, and you can wackle all you wanna, while I hula all the day away,
All the boys of okakokanoka island, gather all the gifts that hula hana asks, they have combed their island home, fulfilling each one, and its worth it when they watch her shake her grass, three, four, five
Bring me a gentle breeze that I can keep, an ocean that’s oh so deep, I wanna I really wanna,
she will hula when you have a lovely gift she wants, you’ll hear her say, bring me a pineapple that doesn't sting a bird that swims a fish that sings, I wanna I really wanna,
bring me a volcano that blows up all the molten jama and a blue banana, I canna canna
and you can wackle all you wanna, you can wackle while I walk away,
and you can wackle all you wanna, you can wackle while I walk away, away, away, away!

LEFT NEW YORK

So here I am, in Buffalo. Enjoying my stay, despite what will probably be a very busy visit. Then again, I am in a suite with a hot tub, so how bad is it, really?

In the meantime, I found a nice mullet haiku to share with all of you:

Let's go to Wal-Mart
Need cheese puffs and wine coolers
Damn, the house won't start

And on that beautiful note, I hope you're all doing well.

CURVEBALL

As it turns out, things always come up. I recently found myself in the Philippines, mourning the death of yet another family member, one who I have found to be indispensable to me throughout my life. Not easy to be reminded of morality. Again. I long for a year where I don't have that.

I do admit that it was a good snap out of what was becoming a very selfish phase for me. I remember there's a world out there that I live in. And I intend to become involved in it again.

I've noticed that as I've gotten older, this travel is wearing on me. My body hates me. I'm just slowly trying to get back to some semblance of normal where my body feels balanced again.

But beyond this, everything is fantastic with me. I know I haven't written lately. But let's just say life is continually throwing me challenges and obstacles. More things to learn and move on. And I'm quite content navigating the waters.

Soon I shall have some fun stories. Until then, I hope you are all well.

SIMILIES. OR CLOSE ENOUGH.

So it's been awhile. Interesting developments, but nothing really catching to write about. I will say that everything in my life is finally starting to fall back into place - moving really takes a lot out of you, I'm just pleased that work has been quiet while I've been dealing with that.

Everything else is good. Life is good. Life is always the way it's meant to be, regardless of where you prefer it to be. I'm just happy to know I'm right were I need to be. And I'm happy about that. Because everything is so much better and looking up.

So I will leave you with these words from Jill - words that now bring a complete and total smile to my face:

"ass bone."

Hope you're all doing well. I'm sure I'll have something fun to share soon. Cheers.

NEW DEVELOPMENTS

So the move is officially done. Not the settling in, of course. But I will say it's coming together nicely.

I realize I've been negligent in my blogging duties again and usually I have more to say, however, in this case, I shall attempt yet another list of things that are on my mind for the benefit of the three of you that read this. Oh, I know there are more and it's usually random, but it's nice to know some of you actually read this. Whooot.

1. Moving sucks. Donkey dick. Of course, moving in the summertime really really sucks.

2. The other reason why moving in the summertime sucks is because no matter how many times you or your new landlord call the handyman, he refuses to return your calls. I'm ready to find the guy and kick his ass. If I wasn't so worried about damaging the 1917 original windowsills, I would have installed the air conditioners myself. At this point, I'm willing to do it. Because it's hot as balls here.

3. If I ever see the handyman, I'm gonna punch him in the neck.

4. My new apartment is incredibly beautiful. So all in all, it was worth the move. I just need to keep telling myself that.

5. As I contemplate the piles of crap that I sort through and figure out how much of it to save and how much of it to throw out, I realize that after 27 years of life, having this much stuff for an admitted pack-rat isn't all too bad. Of course, then I am inspired to throw more away, but it's hard when you've whittled your life down to 20 boxes and assorted furniture and musical instruments. It's the all the tchotchkes and baubles I've accumulated. Sure, some of it is really kitschy, so perhaps this task won't be as bad as I think it is.

6. I apparently love to speak in Yiddish when describing my stuff. Oy.

7. I am sad to find that people at this age in my life will continue to disappoint me. I understand this is a facet of life and I do try very hard to be non-judgemental or throw my own views of how I think I should act onto other people. But you know what it comes down to? When you tell someone you're gonna do something, it's not that hard. Do it. If you're not gonna do it, then don't tell someone or promise them things that you cannot deliver. It's not only disappointing, it shows exactly what kind of person you are. And frankly, that means someone I cannot rely on. If you do not have the basic tenants of respect for me, you cannot expect me to have them for you.

8. I realize that was a deep thought, but I have come to a point in my life where you either respect me or you don't. And everyone has differing levels of respect. But if you cannot be held to your word, I'm sorry, I don't really have time for you. I save my time for the people that respect me enough to do what they say they're gonna. This may sound shallow and ridiculous, but in all honesty, that's what grownups and adults do. Life is not a consequence-free environment. Take responsibility for your actions. It's part of being a person, if not a human being. Why should I waste my time and energy on people who can't or won't do that? I'm so happy I've finally begun to understand it.

9. Closure is an interesting thing. It's easier to have closure when you're angry about a situation as opposed to confused by it. And time is a huge help in knowing the difference between the two. But at the end of the day, things happen for a reason and along the way, shit happens. You can't control other people but yourself. And in the end, closure is really what can make you feel like you can move on. And I've realized I've spent the last month doing such a thing. And I've learned that closure is not something that anyone else can give you, much like happiness. Thank god for Eleanor Roosevelt reminding me every day that "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

And it makes me feel good to know that I've survived yet another life lesson. And I'd love if life would stop throwing me lessons and give me some of the good stuff for just a little while. But hey, that is simply too much to ask for.

So loyal readers and friends, life is as it should be: constantly challenging, always amusing somehow, infuriating, and most of all - happening. So in the end, I really don't have much to bitch about. I'm still here. And hopefully wiser, stronger - and sweaty because the freakin' handyman has yet to return my calls.

Oy. Contentment comes with some cost. In the meantime, I'm praying for the fall to come.

PITHY.

For the first time in a long time, I shall endeavor to keep myself to a minimum of words in an attempt at pithiness. Only a few things are going through my mind exactly at this moment.

Moving sucks. I forgot I had muscles there. Thank the Goddess for epsom salts. I'm sad Harry Potter ended, but so happy I read it under 8 hours so that I could finish packing. I will need, to, however, pack my Nintendo Wii first so it stops being a distraction. Do I really have this much shit? And where did all those people go who offered to help me move? And finally, 4 DAYS? Are you fucking kidding me?!!!

That is all. Monkee out.

Update and a Letter

So things are moving along here in my world. Work is still a little hectic for this time of year, but it's not overwhelming. I'm moving apartments, which is the biggest news, so that has me plenty busy when I'm not busy at work. That's pretty much life in a nutshell.

In the meantime, I've found Craigslist to be an appropriate distraction for momentary resting when packing. Partially because I need a dining room table. I forgot how much I used the thing in New York. Which brings me to the next thing...

And now, a public service letter:

Dear People Who Surf or Post on Craigslist in Albany,

Craigslist is a fantastic service to everyone - where else can you find activities, pets, a free dryer, a Nintendo Wii, and singles or sex in one place?

Yes, I'm sure you said Las Vegas. I'm sure there's some truth to that.

However, a few guidelines everyone my abide by using such a free public service:

1. There are differences between "their," "there" and they're. Please learn them.

2. On that same note, please learn punctuation. It doesn't have to be perfect, but being able to distinguish between once sentence or thought and the next is really helpful.

3. Why on earth would anyone want a free broken TV? Throw it away.

4. If I respond to an ad about a cheap area rug, do not assume I am interested in any of the other things you have in your house. You didn't advertise them, I'm not interested. Stop emailing me everytime you feel the need to get rid of something else in your house.

5. If you don't live in the area that you state in the post, please tell me so that I don't drive 45 minutes down a dirt road to pick up a free aquarium stand. It's not worth the gas, I might as well go out and get a new one.

6. Missing connections is really funny to read when bored or procrastinating. Please make the posts interesting, not disgusting.

7. "Strictly Platonic" means just that. I am not interested in being a person you would cheat on your wife with, not interested in jumping into a serious relationship after two emails - all I was looking for was someone to go to an event with in an effort to meet new people. As friends. Because that's what strictly platonic means. It works successfully in places like New York City, I can't understand why people here don't get that.

8. When posting an apartment, please make sure you are in the geographic boundaries of the place you are posting in. I'm not looking for an apartment in Long Island, I was looking in Albany. If I was looking for an apartment in Long Island, I would look in that Craigslist. Or shoot myself. Either or.

9. Musical instruments should never be bartered for a lawn mower. I'm sorry. Call me a purist. You're an idiot if you think that's a fair barter. And I'm happy to take those instruments off your hands.

10. Volunteering does not mean interested in helping you move. I'm looking to help stray dogs and kittens, people who can't help themselves or push little old ladies around from Florida (I do work for AFSCME). Do it yourself. I am.

Thank you for your attention to these matters. Keep Craigslist enjoyable for all.

Sincerely,
Little Brown Monkey

EFFIN' SQUIRRELS

This morning, I was awoken when my cat decided to use my stomach and sternum as a jumping off point to my bedroom window. Needless to say, I was not amused.

After thrashing about quite unhappily in an attempt to go back to bed, I heard a noise when I settled down. It sounded like a bird quacking and making glutteral noises.

More than intrigued, I sat up to find my cat sitting perched on the windowsill, looking intently at something outside my bedroom window.

My bedroom window is also attached to a door that leads out to a small fire escape. I walked slowly over to the door and pulled back the curtain.

A squirrel was sitting on the railing of the fire escape, staring straight back at my cat, and making weird noises. I thought perhaps this squirrel was rabid. I found out it was, well... squirrely.

After basically yelling at my cat, he started to chew on the fire escape. Suddenly, he started walking closer to the window towards the cat, getting louder as he did. I tried to find my camera, but failed. I was more than amused.

When he got to the screen of the window, my cat reached right out and swatted him on the head through the screen. The squirrel ran away.

My cat then jumped off the windowsill and walked towards the kitchen as if to say, "Well, that's off the to do list... next."

I went back to bed.

WHOA BOY

I know it's been a while, but I've been rather busy and slightly, um, distracted.

For starters, work has been a little nuts as of late - been doing nothing but travelling for the past couple of months - haven't spent a lot of time home at all. So let's do a quick rundown of things I've been up to - and other sundry items.

1. My cat hates me. Since I'm never home anymore and he's a cuddle whore, I'm now a wayward mother. Neat.

2. Went to Schwartz's wedding in Breckenridge, CO. Not only was I unaware of altitude sickness (I'm now quite fully aware), but I got to drive through South Park. Yes, South Park. As Swiz had stated in the original "Anti-Happy" missive from good 'ol Washington College, one of the things that made her sad was that "we are not cardboard cutouts, therefore we can never go to South Park" - I'm happy to state that this has now been proven untrue. One can actually go there. Interestingly enough, I happened to go horseback riding on this amazing ranch with old friends from high school and my horse's name was Kenny. Only me, friends. Only me.

3. Schwartz's wedding was absolutely beautiful - on the side of a mountain with the Rockies in the background. It was amazing to reconnect with old friends and especially be there for Petee's special day with his new wife, Jaren. I was reminded of the good that can happen in life, which was a welcome reminder after the rollercoaster of the past few months.

4. Speaking of high school, I went to Mr. Hebert and Mr. Teufel's retirement concert at FM this past weekend. It was amazing. It was an honor to play with them and some old friends again. It was excellent catching up with old folks and good to know that we still know how to have a good time together. And for those who were there and might actually read this, I promise I do at times revert to a high schooler when around you and am actually quite professional in my "adult life." Okay, maybe I kid around a lot and still act like a kid, but hey, it was a lot of fun. It was a great experience and so nice to be able to honor both Hebert and Teufel since they both played a large part in my life and in my musical one. One more farewell symphony and I'll lose it, though.

5. I'm in DC right now for an AFSCME conference and while we're having a great time, I can't help but feel exhausted. Getting up at 5am for the AFSCME Presidential Forum hosted by Chris Matthews will only aid in the exhausted feeling, but at least I'm having a blast with all the folks here. I might be tired, but I'm definitely getting the psyched bug again for the work I do. Whoot.

6. I still can't understand why people don't know how to park their cars in Albany. Some guy with a Kansas license plate insists on parking crooked every day in our office parking lot. I don't know if it's because he can swing the door wider if he parks like an asshole, but it makes me have to rethink my parking every time I am forced to park next to him. I want to kick his bumper off. One of the good things about travelling so much is that I don't have to worry about parking next to him. And he doesn't have to fear a broken windshield. I'm serious. If you can't park, you can't have a car. Those are the rules.

7. I think that I can make up rules and that people have to follow them. I get sad when I realize this is not really the case.

8. Paris Hilton is back in jail and everything is right again. I could go on forever, but honestly, now that she's back in, I'm hoping we'll have a Paris-free-daily update for the next 45 or whatever days. But I know this is wishful thinking. Even in jail, the bitch still gets front page. You can't buy that publicity. Take note, Lindsay Lohan. Tick tock.

9. It's hot as balls on the East Coast. Anyone who doesn't believe in global warming should be forced to sit outside without shade at noon anywhere up the Eastern Seaboard. Melt in the sun while just sitting down. I feel like I've rubbed Hot Pockets all over my face after walking two blocks. Nasty.

10. Someone please explain why people in Albany can't drive in the rain. Hi, you're in the snow belt. You can drive in snow but not in rain?

11. Oh, wait. They can't drive in the snow either. This Syracusan is annoyed.

12. Parents need to learn how to discipline their kids in public - sans physical discipline. But for godsake, if you're on a tiny plane and your 4 year old is not only screaming but kicking the back of my seat, do something. Give your kids some manners or I will. Actually, better yet - I'll punch you in the neck. I'm busy enough. I don't need to do your job, too.

Phew. That's pretty much my life right now. I'm dictated by my schedule and I can't wait for that to stop so that I can get back to doing some really important and essential things. Like sleep. Clean my house. Do my laundry. And, yes, take some time for me. If you've been reading along so far, oh good reader, you'll know I went through a rough patch a few months ago. I'm happy to report that there has been progress on that level - I'm still learning and I recognize I have some way to go still. But this hectic work schedule has not aided me in getting to where I'd like to be, but I also know it's part of life for such things to happen and that it takes some time. I'm not kidding myself. But I'm trying to be patient and deal with things one day at a time - and we all know it varies, emotions bounce around. But at the end of the day, all I can do is work on me. So I'm simply doing what I have to do, dealing with everything, and trying to have fun where I can. That's life.

In the meantime, here's a song that I've found myself listening to quite a bit. Until the next transmission - hopefully when I have some down time - take care of yourself. And others.

When I think of all the time I’ve spent
Wasted feelings I’ve tried to forget
When I take a step back, I realize
That I’ve been blind

I close my eyes but I can’t fall asleep
And the air in here is hard to breathe
I’m still bound by all the rules I made
And stay the same now but it’s all changed

And I
I might be alone
But I’m strong enough to say
That I need
A little more than faith
to hold on

It’s been two long years since I’ve been here
Stuck in the middle with the same old fears
I tell myself what I already know
But I can’t let it go

And now I might be in too deep
And I don’t know where I want to be
Lately I have found
That I can see more clearly when you’re not around

And I
I might be alone
But I’m strong enough to say
That I need
A little more than faith
To hold on

When I think of all the time I’ve spent
Wasted feelings I try to forget
When I take a step back
I realize

That I
I might be alone
But I’m strong enough to say
That I need A little more than faith
A little more than faith
To hold on

-"More Than Faith"
The Bureau

When in Rome...

...there will be funny quotes. The girls and I got together for a weekend of fun in NYC. A birthday, a friend in need, and some old-fashioned fun that included fortune telling, Tarot cards, MASH, Tom Hanks' butt sweat, dinosaurs, tigers, a giant squid, mani-pedis, iHop, and some serious spiritual enlightenment.

In short, it was everything I needed for what I've been dealing with. And I know fun was had by all. And now that I'm back to dealing with everything on a moment by moment basis, I take a quick minute to enjoy the revelry that was had.

Without ado, the quote board:

"Oh, you fell out."
-Vicki (re: page in tarot book)
"That's what she said."
-Keeza
"That sucks when that happens."
-Vicki


"You guys look like organic brown eggs!"
-So Young


"She was getting all into it by the bathroom."
-Jill (I can't actually remember where we were for this one...)


"I've been really fruiting it up lately.
...That was awful."
-Keeza


"You see Yankee Doodle? The big horse with the man on it?"
-So Young to Vicki on the phone
"That's actually Theodore Roosevelt."
-Keeza
"Right, we're behind the Yankee Doodle, with the guy on the horse."
-So Young
"Theodore Roosevelt."
-Keeza
"The big green horse with Yankee Doodle, Theodore Roosevelt, whatever. Yeah."
-So Young


"I need a safety pin!"
-Young boy with pants falling down outside of the Museum of Natural History
"You need a belt. It's not hard. You put your pants on in the morning and then you get a belt and put it on. It's what men do."
-His father as he tried to safety pin his son's pants


"Danny DeVito!"
-So Young (in a raucous game of MASH)
"I don't like short guys. I think Keeza's actually taller than him."
-Jill (For the record, Danny DeVito stands a hot 5'0", so technically, we're the same height. Yes, I looked it up)


"It could be a bonnet!"
-Christine (re: Jill's bra)


"Take care of Vanna White, she's hot."
-A bum on the street after asking for cigarettes and money


"Will someone give me a foot massage?"
-Vicki
"Oh my God, I've been waiting to ask you all night!"
-Christine


"Vicki, you wanted to watch porn..."
-Keeza
"I don't have my glasses."
-Vicki


"Aren't dwarfs disproportionate? You can't be one, Keez."
-Vicki


"It could be worse. He could have said, 'I have yellow fever.'"
-Jill (in regards to scary Match.com guys)



Of course, these were the only ones we managed to write down. There was much more.

Sigh. Back to the grind. Cheers, all.

JUST WHEN EVERYTHING WAS GOING RIGHT...

Something comes along and fucks it all up.

In a rough spot I'm not entirely sure how to get out of but I am glad for the people around me who are supporting me on my way through.

So I don't know how long it will take until I'm ready to feel good again. But I know the time will come. And my heart will catch up to my mind.

In the meantime, I'll be rather introspective. Throwing myself into work. Reconnecting with friends. Listening to a lot of music. Writing new music. I finally have the impetus to. I just wish I could write music when I was content. Instead of lost.

Time to find what I had given up gladly - myself.

Time to evolve.

In the meantime, let Ani DiFranco songs speak the words I can't seem to find today:

what bugs me
is that you believe what you're saying
what bothers me 
is that you don't know how you feel
what scares me
is that while you're telling me stories
you actually
believe that they are real

and i've got
no illusions about you
and guess what?
i never did
and when i said
when i said i'll take it
i meant, 
i meant as is

the first person in your life
to ever really matter
is saying the last thing
that you want to hear
and you are listening hard
through the splintering shards
of your life as it shatters
and you're standing firm
and you're staying close
and you're seeing clear

some people wear their smile like a disguise
those people who smile a lot watch the eyes
i know cause i'm like that a lot
you think everything's okay 
it is till it's not
 
some people wear their heart up on their sleave
i wear mine underneath my right pant leg strapped to my boot
don't think cause i'm easy i'm naive
don't think i won't pull it out
don't think i won't shoot
  
most people like to talk a lot
including you
you know there isn't much i have to say
that i wouldn't rather just shut up and do
i'm gonna miss you when you're gone
i'm gonna be torn
just remember that i love you
just remember you were warned
 
out of me
on to you...
 
no more.


Best to the folks that read this.  I'll be back.  I promise.

VIVA CARSON CITY

So I've been away for the past two weeks or so, hanging out in the lovely state of Nevada. As AFSCME is wont to do, I was sent there to help out with the Presidential Candidate Forum we held in Carson City with ABC on February 21st.

It was a blast and I had an amazing time with some fabulous co-workers. We had a small amount of time, but kicked ass and took names. That's how we roll.

As you may have already seen, my pick for the ticket has dropped. Governor Vilsack, we will miss you.

So here's my thoughts for my most recent journeys and such:

1. George Stephanopoulos is just slightly taller than me.
2. Us Democrats have some decent choices this time around. I'm especially impressed by the not-so-big names in the race. Senators Dodd and Biden have some really interesting points and Congressman Kucinich is still on the ball.
3. Speaking of Congressman Kucinich, check out the video and see where he almost twirls off stage. He was pretty impressive up until that point. Sigh.
4. How did I manage to become the timer for the candidates and Stephanopoulos? Some dude from C-Span came over before the forum went live and checked out the program I was working on and went, "Great. We're all going off of you today. Don't screw up." Can you say pressure? On live TV?
5. Senator Gravel takes his time when he eats a turkey sandwich.
6. It's Nev-AHH-duh, not Nev-AA-duh. The Nevadans let Stephanopoulos have it.
7. Guess how long it took me to finally spell Stephanopoulos correctly?
8. Taking Southwest Airlines is like being picked for teams in gym class. You hope to hell that if you check in early enough that you won't be relegated to line C.
9. Nevada is nice, but I don't know how I feel about going to a supermarket where I can get medicine, short ribs, and gamble away my savings in one place.
10. Again, why do people bring babies into bars? At 11pm? PST?
11. Hillary Clinton is a celebrity. I've never seen people meeting candidates and crying after shaking their hand. Watch out for this one, folks. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't care what you think of her. People heart her like crazy. I'm putting the naysayers on notice.
    
12. If you're the only game in town, you can expect a heavy police presence. I saw more cops at that forum than NYC cops on New Year's in Times Square. Sheesh.
13. Reno and Carson City casinos are Las Vegas and Atlantic City casinos circa 1978-1982. It was like walking into Liberace's underpants going into some of those casinos.
14. Nevada is also very dry. I'm sure you might have guessed that. I had to buy stock in lotion and face cream.
15. Missing the huge snowstorms in the Northeast has it's advantages. Except when you are flying back in the middle of one or between noreasters. And moving out of a storage space in Delaware in the space of two days and have to get back to Albany to go back to Reno.
    
16. Senator Biden and Governor Richardson are much, MUCH taller in real life.
17. Why are buffets so craptastic but sound so good? It's like sequels. They look so appealing but after you watch one, you are all, "Eh. What next?"
18. The boy gets major points for remembering Valentine's Day. Especially when I'm on the other side of the country. He rocks.
    
19. Dealing with different time zones sucks balls.
20. I've never dealt with so many surly waitresses in my life. I always tip well (ever the drama major remembering my buddies) but holy crap. I never thought so many of them could be in one place.
21. I did screw up the time during the forum. Once. No one told me that when you re-set the timer, you can only put in minutes, not seconds. And Vilsack paused long enough for us to think he was done with his question. In all honesty, it didn't take long at all to fix the problem, but I was worried Stephanopoulos might hit me on the top of the head when he came back during the potty break.
22. Jessica is a rock star.
23. The whole ground team kicked ass.
24. Anyone who thinks that the Hillary bust ain't real needs to check her out in person.
25. Anytime the AFSCME staff gets together, there's always fun. Along with plenty of good-old fashioned trouble.
26. We made friends with the 70-year old drummer that plays with the band at the Grand Sierra Resort. We call him Bud. Bud rocks. Hardcore. The whole band is great. Even when the Susanna Hoffs lead singer lookalike tries out a Selena outfit while singing Pink.
27. Not too many mullets in Nevada, but lots and lots of cha-cha bunnies. Hi, the 80's called. They want their bangs back, ladies.
28. I'm in a lot less pain when my spine is where it's supposed to be. I heart chiropractors.
29. After working on something so exciting, it takes a little more energy to get back into the swing of things.
30. And finally, is it really only February? 2007? What the hell?!

This Presidential election cycle is slowly going to kill all of us for the next two years. And we were silly enough to think it would only heat up next year...

Till the next transmission.

A DEPART FROM THE FUNNY...

To something more serious. I think Volansky does a quite good job on detailing Dubya's SOTU speech, so there's really no need for me to assist other than to say his most recent one is really no departure from the previous 6. The most exciting part of the night was the declaration for "Madam Speaker" and that was about it.

But in light of Delaware Senator Joe Biden's foot-in-mouth-moment, check out this interesting tidbit I just found out about:



While we examine the actions of Joe Biden and Mel Gibson and Isiah Washington - even Rosie O'Donnell's recent take on Asians - I'm forced to ask once again: Has much really changed?

THE MOST ENTERTAINING WEB SITE EVER

So Anica found this site and I had to play around. For the record, Chris says about his first picture: "Ewwwwwwww..."

A MID-WINTER CLEANING

I'm in the process of cleaning out my iBook to give to my mother and came across some really funny and hilarious things that are simply worth sharing. I realize that I have not been doing a usual blog and have instead been posting things that catch my fancy, but frankly, I just don't feel like I'm enough of a rockstar to bore you with the oh-so-not-fascinating minutia of my life at the moment. Perhaps soon. Perhaps I will enchant you with the story of how Governor Spitzer held my shoulder for three minutes. That might be worth it. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, enjoy this. It makes me laugh. Hysterically. I'll add more gems as I find them. Enjoy.

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Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO TALKING and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted):
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(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
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(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,???*?? he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things round her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
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(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
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(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
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(Rebecca)
Asshole.
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(Gary)
Bitch.
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(Rebecca)
JACKASS.
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(Gary)
Slut.
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(Rebecca)
Get f*cked.
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(Gary)
Eat sh*t!
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(Rebecca)
SCREW YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
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(Gary)
Go drink some tea.
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(teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.