LOTS OF NEWNESS IN THE NEW YEAR

I find myself lacking sorely in my blog duties. I apologize. I've been busy.

Before I give a general blog update, I would like to address the myriad of comments I've received on this blog since I last posted. Would you believe that despite the comments asking you for your email that I cannot access it? So I can't answer y'all back.

That being said, here are my responses:

* Jeff, if you're out there, I'd love to commiserate with you. Hell, I have friends I haven't met yet. If you'd like to email me, click on "About Me" and drop me a line. How 20 something I am? Well, I'd be offended, but I can hardly be. Since I am in my 20s. So... um. Yeah.

* Kate, you hear my pain. Be sure to heed Jill's advice, though. Seriously.

* Jill, I miss you and Quizzo like a monkey misses crack. Or, well, you know what I mean. Tuesday nights and random Thursday nights just aren't the same without the girls. Sigh. Hopefully I can make a cameo on the team sometime soon.

* Mad Dog, I'm all about the gay cowboys. And the pedis.

* Maichan, one of these days I'll reference the strike. When my members end up paying more for their health insurance because of the standard the TWA set. I still don't know how good that all is. And Stegausarus has plates and spikes.

* Petey, where have you been all my life? We should get together before that time of the year when we can't talk to each other. Especially this year since it seems us New Yorkers added a very interesting lead-off hitter. You can hit me when you see me.

* Dave, testicle tap is a fun game that my friend created when drunk. I think you must be drunk to engage. Well, that's not entirely true, I guess. And all of these gay men are adorable as you all are and some of them were taken. And living in Philly. I kind of remember how it started, but testicle tap probably sounds much more fabulous that it is. It is simply a game where gay men allow the women and other gay men at the table to tap their testes. It's cheeky fun. That's all.

Now moving on to our regularly scheduled program:

So besides a new year, a new apartment, a new home, a new job, we can add new car to that list.

Yes. I got a new car. I realize I bought a new car a year and a half ago. Well, it was used. But I had to part with my Jeep when it became evident that with the events of late last year I had acquired my father's Nissan Quest. So four cars between my mother and I do not equal happiness in the wallet. I decided to trade in two for new (a phrase I have coined in the past week). And got something completely unexpected.

It's extravagant. It's huge. And it makes me nervous because it's new and I've never ever owned a new car in my life. I've always had hand-me-down cars or used cars that I drove into the ground (even the Liberty was no exception to this). So now I have a completely new car to drive into the ground.

I have a new, fully loaded 2006 Limited Dodge Durango. It's fairly amusing. But I got an AMAZING deal. Partly because of the trading two for new thing, but also because I negotiated like a pro. I had intended to get a new and fully loaded 2006 Limited Jeep Liberty. Or a smaller car that I wouldn't have to pay much on. But I basically got this car for the same amount I paid on my Liberty for less time and with everything thrown in. And because I'm union, I couldn't even look at many cars, I was keeping within the UAW list of built cars for 2006. Solidarity, friends.

So if you see a little brown monkey driving around in a huge car, it's probably me. It's really funny. And I'm getting used to it. It still makes me nervous, though. I hope I get over it.

Other than that, there seems to be nothing to write home about. Except that I've been busy. Especially now that Session has started and there's nothing but events and receptions to go to. Which would be fun. Except the whole time I've been out there, I find myself distracted by a singular, nagging thought: I hope to hell I get home in enough time to find parking for my tank.

Yeah. My life is complicated. Ha.

Oh, I'm really serious about doing this whole Asian excursion at some point. I hope someone will join me for the trip. I need a spiritual cleansing. I picked up learn Hindi the other day. I've reclaimed my Dhammapada, my Bhagavad Gita, and my Upanishads. I have been searching for interesting locales in India, Japan, Nepal, Tibet, mainland China, Singapore, Malaysia, Korea, and yes, the Philippines. I have netflixed foreign movies out the ass lately (specifically Chinese Kung-Fu movies and Bollywood). It's time for mama to get in touch with her Asian/Pacific Islander roots. Who wants in on the fun?

Right. Now off to do some budget analyzation. Whoot.

LOST IN THOUGHT

I write this first blog of the New Year in a rather introspective time of my life. I have been pontificating and musing for the last week, at least. I'm in deep pontification and muse-ation, I suppose. I can't really put my finger on why, but I suppose such things happen from time to time and I find it rather healthy and at least a yearly happening.

I can look back over the past year and understand why I am in such a thoughtful phase in my life. Like Volansky, I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole, though I don't oppose company. I just don't know if I keep it well these days. I suppose the first holiday without my father and dealing with all the life changes with family, work, and even living environment can bring about such times and I can say that perhaps it is well deserved. I never took time off to deal with anything, was overwhelmed at times during the year, but now I find myself at the beginning of a new year and it's time, I guess, to take a little "me" time. I'm starting a new phase of my life and I look forward to it. I just need a good breather and this past week has sufficed.

But besides my mental and emotional state, I have a bone to pick. No, I shall refrain from the soapbox on this first post of 2006. I think this past year, in political terms, has been quite played out and very well picked-apart already. Like many in my party, I shall simply allow events to play out. It seems people have begun to wake up and are starting to pay attention. Let's hope it continues.

But I choose to pick away at a bone that has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now and came to a head this past Friday: PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN MOVIE AND THEATRE-GOING ETIQUETTE. NOW.

Let me break it down by category:

WHEN GOING TO A MOVIE:

1. I know it tells you to turn your cell ringer to silence. I wish we could go one further to turning it off. But since people haven't quite even grasped the "silence" mode, let's at least try not answering it in the theatre. If it's that damn important, take it outside, mmkay?

2. Just 'cause the seats recline now and there's more room still doesn't give you the right to put your feet on the seat in front of you, especially if I'm sitting in front of you. I can still feel it.

3. Don't throw food. This works for the dinner table, too.

4. One or two comments to your friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/family member is okay as long as it's whispered. Full conversation is still a no-no.

5. This goes with the previous one, but pay attention. If you're talking, you miss something. And it's definitely still not okay to ask your movie-going companion(s) what you missed. Especially if you ask loudly.

6. Please refrain from speaking to the actors on screen. They can't hear you. You won't be able to change the storyline, I don't care how good your magic is.

7. If you're gonna make out or do other things in the theatre, please sit in the back. Or far away from people. I didn't pay $10+ for a show, I paid for a movie.

8. Unless your name ends with Ebert, please do stop criticizing the movie before the credits roll. I don't care what you think.


WHEN AT THE THEATRE:

1. If you are 20 minutes early to the theatre, please take the time to go to the bathroom before you sit down. Especially at a show that is closing the next night. Yes, the theatre is packed. Especially on Broadway. Do not make us get up when you find your seat only to have us sit down and then make us get up again five minutes later when you decide to go to the bathroom. The funny thing about Broadway and entertainment in general is that they are trying to make a quick buck. So the theatre seats are usually much closer than comfortable. Please remember this as you make us sit down, stand up like yo-yos. If you have time, pee or whatever before you find your seat.

2. Do not bring food to live performances and then expect everyone to not look at you funny when you open it in the middle of the show.

3. If at a musical, it is not okay to talk during the Overture or Entre' Act. They give you a hint when the performance begins:they turn off the house lights. Just because no action is happening on stage does not mean you can talk.

4. Remember what I said about the seats being close together in a theatre? Right. Draping your jacket or coat or cane over the arm rest I must share with you is not neat. I did not pay $100 to sit cock-eyed because you can't put it in your lap or in front of you.

5. It is customary to clap after musical numbers. It is not customary to start up your conversation where you left off until the actors start speaking again.

6. As at movies, pay attention. I know it's a little different because in live theatre there's a lot more happening, but because it's live theatre, it's especially important not to discuss the plot. For one very good reason: I cannot rent a performance of a show to watch at my lesuire because you were too busy yapping away to pay attention.

7. As with movies, turn off your cellphone. You'll put off the actors. And piss the hell out of everyone because theatre costs a hell of a lot more than movies.

8. At musicals, please wait until the musical number is over before getting up. In fact, if you are five minutes from the intermission, wait. Cork it. I don't care what you do. Especially if you're in the middle of the row. Forcing an entire row of people up in the middle of the 11 o'clock number or even the number before the intermission, or any number whatsoever, is just wrong and rude.

9. The actors and actresses are getting paid a lot of money to act and sing and dance. I'm paying a lot of money to watch it. So please refrain from singing along or humming along to the numbers.

10. Just because you've seen Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Les Miserables, or any of the current shows on Broadway does not make you an expert. I have a goddamn degree in Theatre and you don't hear me saying things like, "Well, it's what to be expected at a show like this. I mean, I know I see more 'classic' musicals, but you just can't compare this to Phantom." You really don't have a clue, do you?

Seriously. And there's more, I just hit the highlights.

Since the holidays, I've seen lots of movies: Harry Potter (twice), Rent, Elizabethtown, Walk the Line, Memoirs of a Geisha (twice), The Producers - and every time, I am reminded why I prefer DVDs in the comfort of my own home on the couch.

And last Friday, I saw Sweet Charity with Christina Applegate because it's closed Saturday and I had been wanting to see it. And yes, Christina was amazing. And outside of the theatre, I wanted to say, "Look, there's Jesus!" but it was really difficult since she wasn't speaking much because she was saving her voice for the next night and because we had to rotate quickly after she signed programs or whatever. Jill wanted me to say "Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?!" but I opted against it for obvious reasons, as well as the reasons I outlined above.

But despite how good the show was, I found myself plenty annoyed at the theatregoers my mother and I were surrounded by. Besides talking, being rude, acting like pretentious theatre snobs (I mean, really, I think I have a legitimate bone there), getting up in the middle of numbers, or singing along, I thought I was going to go out of my mind. I made the best of it, of course, but the Christ.

I would also like to say, as a fan of Fosse and "Rich Man's Frug", I was amazed at the choreography for that number. I think I had my mouth open the whole time. That is, when I wasn't killing my neck trying to see around the woman in front of me who was bobbing her head around like a liver on a stick.

I mean, come on! I can't seem to find any sort of live entertainment I can enjoy anymore without someone mucking it up for me. And that even includes concerts. It's becoming unacceptable. I'm spending far too much money being annoyed at things that I used to enjoy.

Sigh. I'm happy that's off my chest.

Best wishes for the New Year, loyal readers. 'Till the next blog inkling...