FUN ON A PLANE

So I just returned from the motherland, The Land of Pleasant Smiles, the Philippines.

Or as I call it, the Land of Brown.

While I have many pictures and stories to tell, here's a gem:

My mom and I are in the exit row of the plane on the 17 hour leg of the journey (yes, seventeen hours - on the way to the Philippines, it's eighteen) and sometime in the middle of it, I wake up out of a sound nap to discover a long line waiting to use the bathroom. Two woman are standing and opposite of them is a mother and her little child. I notice the little child is doing the pee-pee dance, holding himself. It's pretty obvious he has to go pretty bad.

I decide to watch to see if one of the women will let him go before them. I look over at my mom and notice she's watching, too.

Then she bemusedly says to me when she notices me looking at her, "Yeah, but the funny thing is, no one is in the bathroom."

And I look up to see that the "Occupied" light is not on. And they all continue to wait in line.

No, we weren't jerks. As soon as I noticed this and had a bit of a laugh, one of the ladies seemed to lose patience and pushed the door slightly, realized it was empty, and let the little boy go in.

You gotta laugh when you can on a 17 hour flight.

P to the S: Kudos to Mai-chan who actually offered up a suggestion to my Snakes on a Plane challenge. I'm still taking applications.

DAMN, IF IT'S THAT EASY...

Then I'm quitting my job. On the eve of my departure from the states to the homeland (that would be the Philippines for those of you not paying attention), I choose to rant about something that I find completely, utterly - even fascinatingly (that's a word, dammit) - ridiculous.

Of course, I am speaking of Snakes on a Plane. Have you heard of this movie? Snakes on a Plane. Guess what it's about? Snakes.

On a Plane.

Ga?

We Americans really must have dumbed down a lot to deserve a movie title like that. The boy insists that it must have been the working title of the screenplay that got leaked and such a buzz was created that they had to keep the name. But come on, snakes on a plane?

What I'm saying is that if something as ridiculous as Snakes on a Plane actually makes some money, then I'm quitting my job and writing stupid movie plots, too. Just imagine.

"This summer... you might have only seen it in your dreams: Chickens in a Car."

or...

"Come and see what everyone's talking about: Hamsters on a Steamboat."

and...

"Don't walk. Run to be the first to see Monkeys in my Pants."

I'm gonna make a fortune.

This is fun! Who else can come up with movie titles and marketing catch phrases on the Snakes on a Plane theme? I know all four of you who read this are highly intellegent, witty individuals. So give. And share your brilliance with the world. Or the other three subscribers.

I feel like I'm selling myself short. The other four subscibers.

In the meantime, I'm off on a sabbatical for a spell. But keep checking back - there's a possibility I'll come at you from a far-off destination. Assuming I can kick those little f*ckers from their networked games at the cybercafe. Not an easy feat, I promise you.

Until then, take care of yourselves. And others. By doing lots of shots. Lots.

UM, LOOK BEHIND YOU...

So the boy and I were leaving an end-of-the-softball-season drink at our sponsor's establishment, Washington Tavern, late last week when on the drive home, we passed three suspicious persons lolligagging behind parked cars on the way home. In one of their hands was a baseball bat and they were waiting for the cars to pass.

There was no one behind us, so as soon as we passed, they spread out into the street and resumed their game of street baseball. At 1am.

I should mention that less then thirty feet behind them to our right was a softball field. No one was playing on it. If you had a choice, would you play in the street or on the field? I mean, am I the only one who finds this slightly odd?

Hmmmm... Albany.