One thing about living in the DC area is the ridiculous traffic. I mostly can avoid this, thanks to the Silver Line now open close to my home. But on the days I drive in, I can't escape it. And lately, I've been listening to a lot of radio. NPR, BBC and CNN. And today, after some dial surfing on the satellite, I ended up at CNN's "New Day".
And something made me snap out of my quiet morning (quotes not exact, but close enough).
I'll admit that lately, I can't listen to the banter on the morning talk shows. See NPR and BBC as my top choices to listen for real news. But I stopped, mostly because they were talking about the NFL and of course, Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson. I'm not sure that I was conscious about it, after all, it was 7 am. But it was more interesting that what was happening on the other stations at the time.
They had two people on, I honestly don't know who, discussing the suspensions and the NFL and how people are boycotting the NFL and Roger Goddell - you know, the stuff that's been hashed over and over again.
And something made me snap out of my quiet morning (quotes not exact, but close enough).
Dude 1: "What these guys need right now is not the scrum, but counseling."
Me: nod
Dude 1: "But honestly, the bigger problem is the amount of head injuries these players sustain. There's a study out that (insert really high percentage I didn't catch) of NFL players have some sort of brain injury from playing, and honestly, that's the bigger issue. I think the NFL is pleased these stories are distracting from that bigger problem."
Me: head snap "Eh?" inside voice "Did I just hear that right?"
Lady 1: "Well, I don't think they're happy about this, there, Steven. But they need to come up with a real, across the board punishment. You assault anyone, a woman, a child, your spouse, you get a six game suspension. End of story."
Me: inside voice "Ok, but is six actually deterrent from jackassery?"
Lady 1: "Because honestly, that will help. They should get counseling. I personally think Ray Rice should get his suspension lifted because it's not that the NFL saw the tape, it's that you and I saw the tape!"
Me: inside voice persistent "Yes, but... it's still wrong..."Dude 1: "The NFL is just protecting their assets. That's what's happening here."
Lady 1: "I mean, just give them the suspension, they should not be arrested for this stuff, it shouldn't get that far!"
Me: no words. Mouth agape.Lady 2: "Roger Goddell announced that he was forming a consulting team of women to discuss policy moving forward. Do you think that helps or hurts?"
Lady 1: "I mean, it's a good idea. But 6 game suspension, it shouldn't be that hard."
Me: RAGE
I don't know why I didn't stop listening. But I didn't. Was I hoping someone, dear God, anyone would point out the obvious?
One: brain injury in the NFL is serious. It's a serious problem. Here's the thing, though: these guys choose to play, knowing the risks. They know they are in a profession where it's their job to try to run a ball down a field before someone - or more than someone - smacks into them. Hard. With a running, and sometimes leaping, start. They have helmets. They have pads. Sure. But they do it. And they get paid millions to do it. So yes, serious problem? Of course. NFL sweeping it under a rug? Yes. But is it avoidable? Yes. They can choose not to play professional sports. But they do it. Because they love it. Anyone ever seen a rugby or a hurling match? Only recently did they start wearing any kind of padding or armor. But they do it because they love it, too. So this point, while interesting when you follow it down a scientific path and talk about the League's amazing non-response to the issue, does not exactly pan out on the same level. Why?
Two: Because assault. Hello?
Yes, we can discuss how both of these things are choices. That one involves the willingness of someone to put themselves in harm's way for something they love. The other one involves the split second decision to let blind rage win and anger so vehement to come to the surface that one would actually lay hands on another human being. In both cases, someone much smaller and vulnerable than them.
The NFL and the panel of whoever the hell was on the news today? Tone deaf.
Look, I know people get angry. Lord knows I do and I had to learn to shut off at a young age because I have the kind of blind rage at times that can be destructive. I'll be the first to admit that. But nothing, absolutely nothing, is alright about punching a woman so hard she blacks out. No child deserves to be beaten with a switch.
Abuse is not okay. It's not something you should need a panel of women to tell you. It's not something that you should condone with a 2 game suspension or even 6. You think that will stop these guys? Abuse is a life-long affair of torment, of shame, of anger, of hurt. It's finally in the forefront because of these big athletes - sensationalized? Sure. But it's there. We're talking about it. Kind of.
Are these guys upset because it's wrong and they know it? Or because they got caught? Clearly, even Janay Rice is clear that it's the latter. And she's the victim. Is this hard on them? Absolutely. She made a choice to stay with her abuser. And that's her choice. And she's standing by him. Again, her choice. But in no way does that excuse the crime. And her hurt and anger over everyone judging her for that choice, despite the video evidence, is real and totally true, too. But bottom line, he hit the shit out of her. And then dragged her like a rag doll. She may have forgiven him. But hell no, it's not right.
We see people jailed for assaulting someone all the time. We see statistics of women and men killed by stalkers and abusers. Many years ago, if a woman was raped or assaulted by the man she married, there was nothing like spousal abuse. People just didn't do anything about it. We've come a little ways since then. But not far. This conversation proved it.
6 games? I'm sorry. Alex Rodriguez took some steroids and lied about it and sat out for an entire season. Ray Rice got a slap on the wrist until a video came to light and Adrian Peterson got a short suspension for beating his child. And do I think spanking a kid is grounds for arrest? No. Absolutely not. Spanking is normal. Honestly. But a switch? That's a totally different thing.
What do I say? Suspend them indefinitely until they finish a course of therapy and counseling. Michael Vick rightfully went to jail for the horrendous dog fighting ring he owned. 21 months in prison, 2 months of home confinement. I love dogs. But why does he get jail and confinement while these guys get a slap on the wrist? Are women and children somehow not worth it?
No, don't think I'm just being preachy. Domestic abuse and forms of child punishment are not absent from my life. Let's just say this is incredibly personal. Because I've seen firsthand and experienced what it feels like to be afraid of someone. To be afraid of a simple object like a belt. To watch how domestic abuse destroys a spouse. A family. How those scars never truly heal. And how shameful it feels to be a victim. To feel like there's no place to go. To be scared to leave. Knowing the statistics of what happens when you do.
When the Ray Rice video broke, I posted twice about whether or not Rice would have been suspended if the video never came to light. Obviously, he wouldn't have been. I also posted about how domestic abuse is the elephant in the room.
So for those who don't get it, let me make it clear: this is not about football. To many of us. The reason for the capitulation and the calls for the Commissioner's resignation is not because these guys got caught. But because it's wrong. Plain and simple, it's wrong. You want to stop the bleeding? Stop digging the hole deeper. Stop trying to band aid the problem. It doesn't matter whether the victim stays with their abuser (and in a child's case, sometimes has no choice). What matters it is what you prize. Defending an abuser because he is an asset makes you look like a bunch of assholes. Giving them slaps on the wrist makes you look like a crowd of tone-deaf assholes. If you think the 45% of women who watch football are the issue, it's not. It's the many, many people who believe in decency and respect. That's why this won't go away. For a while.
And with that, they turned to politics and ISIS and how Congress does not want to do anything on it until after the election, though they are content to crow about it on the campaign trail. And that's when I turned it off.
I had enough bullshit for the morning commute.
And with that, they turned to politics and ISIS and how Congress does not want to do anything on it until after the election, though they are content to crow about it on the campaign trail. And that's when I turned it off.
I had enough bullshit for the morning commute.