AMATEUR

Thanks to Mai and her unicorn, I enjoyed this greatly and I hope you will, too...

MISSING IN ACTION

I know I've been neglectful, but that has more to do with the fact that since Thanksgiving, I have travelled up and down the Northeast several times. We moved out of our family home in Delaware (that was a mindscrew) and I was in DC and NYC back and forth for work, so I'm finally getting a moment to get back to things. Of course, I leave again for X-mas and the first week of January is already filling up (why does Day One in New York start on New Year's Day? Who does that?) so it looks like I shall be very busy, indeed.

In the meantime, this is quite possibly one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. Enjoy.

Oh, and Happy Holidays! (yes, I still use the greeting because not everyone celebrates Christmas, Walmart)

*ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES USED IN FILMS MADE IN HONG KONG*

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat. [sic, of course]

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough examination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

Phew.

So I know it's been a while. And I know I was silent after the election. That has more to do with my schedule and trying to move out of the Delaware house, which is a whole other bag of worms.

I will say that after 12 years, it's nice to finally remember what it feels like to win on Election Day. And here in New York, it's a nice change from 4 years before when I was crying in my beer.

You may call me cynical, but what I said before the election matters more now than it did before: It's not enough to win, it's about what you do with it that counts. So the clock is ticking and from what I've seen so far, I have reason to believe that we're back on a good track. Thank God. It's been too long in the darkness, my friends.

And anyone who thinks that the Presidential is two years away has to think again. That campaign began November 8th, 2006. And I will once again do what I did in 2002 - peg a candidate that I think will make it somewhere on the ticket. When I was working on the McCall campaign, one of the managers asked us a hypothetical: If the Democratic Presidential nominees were Edwards, Kerry, Dean, Gephardt, or Gore - whom would we work for/which one would win the nomination?

I would like to state for the record that I was one of two to pick Kerry. And my original hunch was correct.

So put some money down, kids. I'm changing the question slightly, but let's ask the same question.

If the Democratic Presidential nominees were Clinton, Obama, Vilsack, Bayh, and Biden, which one is likely to be on the ticket?

My answer is Tom Vilsack. Where on the ticket, I can't be so sure. Unlike 2004, we have a rare Presidential election coming up where neither the President is running for re-election and a Vice-President is running for the big office. That being said, the demographics of the electorate are too difficult to make a really accurate prediction and the last election confused the map.

And I would never underestimate the Junior Senator from New York. I love her to death, and despite what everyone else says about her chances, I would never underestimate that woman. She's proven she can beat the naysayers. And that is also more reason for me to heart her. That's not an endorsement, just the truth.

What I do know is that Tom Vilsack has an incredible story, he was a popular governor of Iowa, a moderate, and could carry the Midwest. So I'm pegging half a horse on him to make it on the ticket, no matter where on the ticket he ends up. He would turn some of those red states blue - and that would be a good number of electoral votes that flip the other way.

So look out for him. Don't discount him. And don't be silly to discount either Obama or Clinton, either. And I'm comfortable saying that I don't think both of them would be on the same ticket - for fairly obvious and sad reasons.

So let's hear it, folks. Anyone dare to make predictions?