iPod-ilicious.

So I went ahead and spent the money on the new iPod photo. Happy half-Christmas-late-presidential-campaign-trail-gift-to-myself. This means that not only did I decide that I worked long on hard out there in Iowa (and sometimes Seattle) that I decided I wanted to do something good for myself. Plus, my folks gave me half of the money for it for Christmas. Happy holidays, indeed.

Except that despite my best efforts, I still think RAM is a football team. So I've already restarted my iPod at least five times since I bought it. Of course, in my state of wakefulness (notice that I post this at 7am, meaning that I have been awake this whole time), or in a state of totchiness on the Apple folks' part (I'm sure they are very nice and well-meaning people), I can't seem to understand the directions.

Why couldn't they have at least given me the same thing they gave me when I got my iBook? Color pictures. With big, easy to read and understand fonts.

Granted, the information booklet that came with the iPod is extremely concise. But it just is missing some parts.

For the Christ, I can understand IKEA directions very well, why can't I understand this?

I've decided that because they forgot to put some important parts that I would write it out for them - and for anyone who decides to buy an iPod - especially the iPod photo since it's the newest one and everyone is still figuring out how to use them.

Oh, and I'll write "it in my oowwwn words." Regards to Oda May. C'mon, you knew that line was from "Ghost".

1. When you take your iPod out of the box, it will turn on and the picture will be the Apple icon. Don't be scared. It's supposed to be like that. And don't think that you are stupid because the Apple icon stays on and you can't get to the nice menu that you saw in the store. It's supposed to stay there until the iPod is fully charged. So don't keep restarting it and wondering where all your good money went. And as an extra tip, don't bang your head against your desk and/or wall. It'll be fine. I promise. Unless there is a defect in the manufacturing, but I hear that it's so well controlled that chances are likely it's just fine.

2. When you download the software that they gave you, don't worry when the installer pops up and says "connect iPod to computer to update" and you do what they tell you and nothing happens. Apparently, if the iPod doesn't need the update (if it's brand new, it probably won't - but see note 1 about "defects" just in case) so it'll just ignore that you have plugged it in. Again, no need for physical harm to your person. It'll be fine.

3. When in doubt, reset the iPod. Especially if you can't figure out why that stupid Musical trivia game keeps getting stuck. I have no idea why it does that.

4. When it says "Do not disconnect" it means it. Don't.

5. Make sure you have all the updates and software required for the iPod. Don't be a fool like me and find out you need to spend an additional $50 because you don't happen to have the last three updates on a program that you didn't even know existed on your computer.

6. Expect to spend a few hours figuring this out. Hell, since I was so nice to tell you about it, I just saved you at least two. It has taken me almost 8 hours. Damn, I should have been getting paid.

Yeah. A little annoyed. Still giddy to have my iPod, but a little less so. So for those of you still pouting that you don't have one, just be assured that the iPod not only makes you pay for it, it makes you work for it when you first get it. Of course, it's sweet as hell, but I'm just trying to put a positive spin on it. You bet your ass I'm happy I bought it.

Now I just have to live in eternal vigilance over it. Argh.

But it's still pretty damn sweet.