I have finally returned from the motherland. And I found myself in an interesting position as I seemed to have contracted a stomach virus.

Not neat.

I was in the hosptial for a few hours to get rehydrated and now I'm finally feeling better three days later.

But that's neither here nor there.

I had hoped to blog every day of my trip. I kept a journal. One of those nice moleskin ones (thanks for the advice, Mad Dog).

But the internet isn't so great on that side of the pond. So in all it's glory, here is my journal from the past two weeks. I will post every day until I finish my travel log. Then it will be back to the regularly scheduled program. Trust me, there's just too much fodder for me not to blog this. So without further ado...

TRAVEL DAY: SEPTEMBER 9, 2005 (US)
LOCATION: SOMEWHERE OVER CANADA. LAKE SUPERIOR?
TIME: 545 AM, JAPAN; 445 PM, NEW YORK

I forget how much I enjoy travel, regardless of the circumstances under which I travel. At this point, after such a difficult month, I have decided that I should take my amusement when it comes and make no apologies for it. I figure that the least I can do is be fully aware in all moments - good, bad, funny, annoying. Hell, that's life after all.

Take, for instance, my utter amusement and delight at discovering that beer and wine on international flights, unlike domestic ones, are free of charge.

Here I sit, feet propped up on the empty seat between my mother and I - turned sideways for maximum comfort - with a Miller Lite in my hand, ice cold, and at 6am Philippines/Japan time.

My mother is actually the one who supplied me with the free drink information after an entire morning of my cousin, Ailieen, and I joking about needing a drink, but that it was probably too early in the morning to start.

I'm not going to lie to you. We weren't joking. At least I know I've been dreaming of an ice cold beer since last week. Aileen has been saying we need a drink after the two weeks that we've had.

After my joy of realizing that the drinks were, indeed, free, I caught my mother's eye for a split second. A fleeting thought entered my mind: "Does she think I'm an alcoholic?"

My answer comes quickly from a different part of my mind: "You deserve it, it's free, and besides, when in Rome..."

Then I quickly wonder if this is the part of my brain that gets me in trouble.

Before I can contemplate ways to isolate this particular region of my cerebrum, I am snapped back to reality by the feeling of extreme clausterphobia as I get clocked in the head by the reclining seat directly in front of me.

I swear to god, if she could recline any further, she'd have her head in my lap. And you know why I wouldn't mind for a quick second? Because it's the perfect angle to punch her in the neck.

Well, not really. That's really rather violent of me, isn't it?

I should mention at this point that I am only on my second hour of this leg of the trip. And it's 19 hours long. And if I'm taking stock, I've had one beer, a dinner of chicken, shrimp salad, a roll, beans, and a brownie - nothing to write home about, by the way, and I've already been clocked in the head. I'm halfway through the David Sedaris book I started this morning and I'm afraid that taking out the tarot cards will offend the delicate sensibilites of the majority of Asians that make up this plane's demographic.

And I have another 17 hours to go. I wonder if my mom would worry if I ordered another beer - oh wait, this isn't a boring baseball game where I can drink the innings faster. Dammit.

On the other hand, there's that region of my brain again...

Ow.

Bitchslapped by the seat again. That's it, I'm walking around. Craptasm!

TRAVEL DAY: STILL SEPTEMBER 9, 2005 (US, FRIDAY)
LOCATION: SOMEWHERE OVER SOME PROVINCE IN CANADA
TIME: 650 AM, JAPAN; 550 PM, NEW YORK

Okay. I'm wondering what part of Canada I'm currently over when I was struck by a thought:

I'm not the only one who giggles when I hear Saskatchewan, am I?

Or even better: Manitoba!

Hee hee!

Okay. Seriously. Stop looking at me like that. I've been on a plane for forever.

Fine. I'm walking around again.

TRAVEL DAY: SEPTEMBER 10, 2005 (US, SATURDAY)
LOCATION: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. SOMEWHERE NEAR JAPAN?
TIME: 520 PM, JAPAN; 420 AM, NEW YORK

I love how they try to simulate "morning" on a plane. They turn the lights on full - forcing people to open their eyes and squint as the stewardess asks: "eggs or rice?"

Assuming I'm close to Asia, I opt for the rice.

I, however, have mostly been awake. They turned off the lights not long after I last wrote.

I seem to think it's been daylight outside the windows since we left Detroit. Seriously. One guy close to me has had his flap up and it's been light the whole time. That's unnatural, right? Makes me wonder if we're just circling around.

At some point since my last writing, they've shown four movies, including "Monster In-Law" which isn't even listed as one of our available movies. I'm hoping they follow suite with "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" - we're not supposed to have that, either.

Of course, my viewing pleasure would be better enhanced if there wasn't an abnormally tall Asian man with spiky hair blocking 40% of the screen. I tried moving my head slightly, but have you ever seen someone start to fall asleep? Their head rolls around like a bladder on a stick, as Eddie from Ab Fab would say. This man falls asleep like this - but only when there's a movie on. I got neck cramps from moving my head around so much. As I write now, there's no movie on, so his head is still. Craptasm.

By the way, I assume breakfast tastes better without the headrest in front of you included. This woman has been sleeping since we took off. She'll be pretty jetlagged once we hit Nagoya.

Boy, I really got lucky with the passengers in front of me. I'm putting money down that after we refuel in Nagoya, my experience will be better for the final leg of this journey.

I've given up trying to figure out how much longer we have. At some point hours ago, it was useless. It became unfathomable for me to comprehend the time I've spent on this plane. It's like someone claiming that they have a gazillion dollars and daring you to count it all. What's the point? I know my ass will be here for a while - I'd rather not count down the hours because after two, it's like watching paint dry.

I'm forcing myself to stay awake now for at least the next 60-70% of the the remainder of this trip. I probably already had a decent night's sleep - at least 5 hours. But it seems that I've been awake longer than anyone in this section. I know I was awake hours before they were. It doesn't surprise me, really, since I barely get sleep when I'm actually on land.

Night owl that I am, maybe this will be good for me. Normal hours for me instead of jetlagged. Murphy's law would reverse this. Chances are...

In the meantime, some reading while waiting for an available bathroom seems to be in order. Honestly, can we get another bathroom for the 19 hour flight? I've been waiting for hours...

TRAVEL DAY: STILL SEPTEMBER 10, 2005 (US, SATURDAY)
LOCATION: NAGOYA, JAPAN
TIME: 750 PM, JAPAN; 650 AM, NEW YORK

I heart Japan. I need to leave the airport first before I can declare that, I know. But hell, it's true. Judging by this airport, I know I'd love it.

Mai's right: everything here is cute and strangely disturbing at the same time. Like the hand dryers in the bathroom. Fantastic. I can't even describe it except to say that instead of the dryer being above your hands, it's like a cutout. You put your hands in it and it dries both sides of your hands with a powerful gust of warm air. That's the stuff. I was more disturbed by the sight attached to it that read: "Feel funny on the airplane? Nausea, headache, fever, chills, aches? Go to the Health Counsel's office NOW!"

I'm wondering how seriously people take that. I started thinking about whether or not I felt any of it on the plane. I started getting worried that I had. Then I started getting worried I hadn't.

Then I remembered that I'm not a hypochondriac.

I picked up a state-of-the-art digital camera that's more advanced than the ones we have here and cost just shy of $400. I figure it's not too bad. Then again, my mother bought it, but whatever. I'm excited. I also picked up something that said vitamin juice and "coffee shot" which promises to keep me up all day or something. Both for 220 Yen or basically just under $2 - when I pay $6 for a Starbucks tall. Sigh.

Everything here is also orderly and clean which seems exactly the kind of an environment an anal-retentive monkey like myself would feel at home in.

Oooh. Time to board the plane. More later.

P.S. I mention the camera because soon this trip will resemble the widely unfamous "Tales from the Trail" blog I started last year during the Presidential race - meaning you'll get a picture or more on the posts. Something to look forward too?

TRAVEL DAY: STILL SEPTEMBER 10, 2005 (US, SATURDAY)
LOCATION: SOMEWHERE BETWEEN JAPAN AND MANILA
TIME: 815 PM, JAPAN; 715 AM, NEW YORK

My mother just turned to me to ask me who keeps farting.

I just woke up from sleep. I don't know. Nor can I smell passed gas.

She crinkles her nose into a sour puss face.

"Well someone has been farting since we took off, I can smell it."

Knowing her sense of smell, I don't doubt it. Confident that it's not me, I go back to sleep.

TRAVEL DAY: STILL SEPTEMBER 10, 2005 (US, SATURDAY)
LOCATION: ABOUT TO LAND IN MANILA, PHILIPPINES
TIME: 1030 PM, MANILA; 1030 AM, NEW YORK

I cannot decide whether or not I like the map shown on the screen to indicate where we are, where we have traveled thus far, and how close we are to our destination.

Partly because like I said earlier, after 19 hours, the plane doesn't look like it's moving on the map at all. It is like watching paint dry.

On the other hand, it is nice to see how close we are to Manila. Yet, I can't decide if I like knowing that in times of turbulence (and we've had them) that I have a choice between landing on what looks to be a mountain range or somewhere in the sea. Morbid thoughts, I know, but honestly, after that past month, these thoughts come. At least it gives me time to figure out whether to reach above for the masks that will fall or my seat cushion that will act as a floatation device in cases of emergency. Preparation is key.

Oh, we solved the mystery. The man in the seat in front of me is the flatulator. Thank god my sinuses are acting up.

But not that bad. He stood up to stretch and I almost passed out.

My mother and I laughed.

TRAVEL DAY: SEPTEMBER 11, 2005 (US, SUNDAY)
LOCATION: UNCLE JUN'S HOUSE AT CORINTHIAN HILLS, MANILA, PHILIPPINES
TIME: 330 AM, MANILA; 330 PM, NEW YORK (SEPTEMBER 10)

Wide awake. La la la. I feared this.

Ninoy Aquino Airport only seems to have one bathroom. And it's not by any gate. You have to go through customs first, wait in the long line, then walk another football field length to get to baggage claim before you finally can use the bathroom. Neat.

So we got in hours ago after our arrival. As soon as we stepped outside, I started sweating. Just a sign of things to come.

I will also now mention the legendary traffic in Manila. Imagine the bottleneck going into the Holland Tunnel during rush hour. The LIE on a weekend in the summer. The Chesapeake Bay Bridge going to Ocean City in July. Boston when they started the Big Dig. DC jammed with lots of tourists not knowing where to go. Los Angeles traffic during... well, at anytime. But with road closings.

Have that awful scene in your head?

Now throw them all together, take out sensical rules of the road, seatbelt laws, and lane markers. Now you have Manila traffic. See a space? Go with it. See a red light? Run it. See that guy in front of you as you exit a parking lot? He'll move. Jesus, I forgot I have a heart attack everytime I get into a car here.

And it wasn't even busy on the roads when we left. Oy.

But this time, I think I have the cajones to try my hand at driving here.

Well, at least outside of Manila. In my mother's province. Where road traffic is limited to motorcycle tricycles, kids on bikes, chickens, and goats.

The smell of Manila is distinct. The air is heavier. And hotter. And the minute you step outside, you know you're home.

My uncle's brand-new house is absolutely gorgeous. It's huge. It has big-planked wood floors, marble on the first floor, state-of-the-art bathrooms (I should remind myself to tell you about bathrooms in the Philippines in general in a later post), and air conditioning. And I'm extremely happy about that.

But I will attempt some sleep now. I'm starting to get tired. More adventures tomorrow.

Cheers.