Now the story you have all been waiting for...

There needs be no explanation as to why Volansky is the god of my idolatry - she's just that cool. But she became my celestial orbit after this past Monday because of the following story. I won't bastardize it with my words or anything, I shall let the Volansky simply speak for herself. She need not me to impose. All of this has made me come to a very important conclusion:

I want to be Volansky when I grow up.

Without further ado:

hello again, friends,

so, some of you asked for a report after the rove talk and so, i am here to happily comply.

in the interest of "full disclosure," the topic of the talk was "politics and a polarized press in the age of bush." all of your questions, while a TAD heavy on the "do you know you are satan?" theme, were truly extraordinary and will serve as the basis for a book i plan on writing sometime down the road. i also didn't get to ask them, as we ("the faculty") were encouraged to allow our students to ask the questions. i have a list of the questions, for those of you who are interested. i should also say that i was in full "cocktail party mode" and was NOT as heavy-hitting as i should/could have been. i finnagled this invite to investigate how those in power use it in social settings. so, beat me about the head if you'd like -- i was there to play.

before i begin the play-by-play, i have to tell you all that, when i returned home tonight, i was met by THREE emails from the SGA president-elect, who is a drama major and who i have in class. the topic of each email was "you rattled him, i don't know how you did it, but you rattled him." so, i have a small sense of accomplishment.

okay, so i was hanging around the cocktail party (sidebar: not enough food, but the "jumbo shrimp" was swell...) and THE MAN HIMSELF walked in. he was cool and cavalier and was with his female handler, as well as the dashing john harwood, our gracious host and son of the deeply respected (and dead) dick harwood, late late of the washington post. rove wandered around a bit, shook the hands of some serious white haired rich republicans and was introduced to a number of the students who were there. i was with one of my favs, a senior drama/poli sci major from india. my colleague introduced her to rove and she and another student talked a bit until a bossy, schmoozy white haired insinuated herself into the conversation, bringing along an underage daughter (student and drinking). i stood behind rove for a while and when i sensed a break in the conversation, the following ensued:

mv: (tapping "the architect" on the back) thank you so much for coming to chestertown, mr. rove. i have to say, it was all i could do to physically restrain myself from grabbing your ass.

rove: who are you?!

mv: i'm michele volansky. i'm an alum, a dramaturg and a faculty member here at washington's college.

rove: what do you teach (sidebar: he wouldn't let go of my hand...)?

mv: drama.

rove: well, that makes sense. you are a drama queen. (turning to handler) make sure she is ALWAYS in my line of sight.

mv: so, my question is this -- do you have an inside line on who will be elected pope? (rove then grins, wiggles his eyebrows and nods his head) well, i guess you won't tell the likes of me...

he then moves along, gesturing that i remain in his field of vision (i am NOT making any of this up), shakes some more hands and then comes back to me.

rove: i want to make sure i always know where you are. so, stay in front of me, will you?

there's some more schmoozing and i then i think that i should have him sign something, so i go over to him and say:

mv: will you sign my invite?

rove: for you, anything.

so, he signs my invite, which i have in my possession. it says, "you scare me. karl rove"

i say to him: i could sell this on ebay, you know.

rove: you should. it's a free country.

mv: well, it is NOW. what about later?

he is then hustled away.

the talk goes on. he lies about no child left behind, social security and the "oppositional press"

as i said before, i didn't ask a question.

but, he was sitting on the edge of the stage, i walked by and waved. he grabbed my hand again, shook it and said, "it was a great pleasure meeting you, michele. good luck with everything."

that's all i got.

if anyone wants to see the signature, let me know.

he is truly impressive. and completely and utterly satanic. he's so good.

those of us in this crowd have a LOT of work to do before we find someone as clever as he is to orchestrate my presidential campaign.

so, friends, get to work.

much love,

volansky