WISDOM EXTRACTION

So I recently had my wisdom teeth removed. I thought this would be an experience that would be chalked up under my Traumatic Experiences files, given what they had told me before the surgery.

I was wrong. I don't remember a damn thing. Drugs get a bad reputation.

Yeah, I have holes in my gums. And my jaw, for that matter. The worst pain was when the novocaine wore off. That was awful. But they sent me home with a medicine cabinet that made everything good. And happy. Except that I had dull pain for two weeks, which I was content to do because I was intentionally under-dosing myself so I don't pull a Rush Limbaugh and get the shakes and sweats when it's all gone.

I'm doing well.

But my favorite part of the whole process is when the Oral Surgeon sits you down, explians what's up, then says something like, "Now, you may lose feeling in your jaw, lips, and mouth because of the proximity of the teeth to the nerve that runs alongside the under of your jaw. For the most part, it will go away after a few weeks. But given your age and the development of the teeth, there's a chance that this situation will be permanent. Okay?"

You sort of numbly nod your head, thinking, "Permanent? Seriously? I'll need a bib everytime I drink?"

Then they shove a clipboard with a disclaimer in front of your face and say, "This is just to acknowledge that we had this conversation, you understand the risks, and are going ahead." They start to leave and turn and say, "Oh, that we're not liable for loss of feeling in your mouth/gums/lips area."

Yeah, 'cause I went in and drilled the holes myself and thought it would be a good idea to personally re-enact the end scenes of The Princess Bride as Wesley - for the rest of my life.

What is that all about?