Now that I have lived in this city for a while and am currently fostering a dog, I have noticed a few things.

For starters, lemme explain fostering a dog 'cause people don't really seem to understand. There are many organizations in NYC that save stray animals. One certain organization allows people to foster the dogs until they find an adoptive home - meaning that the dogs get to leave the kennel and live in a real house while the organization tries to find the dog a full-time home. It gives the dog a chance to get out of jail, have a nice vacation, and live in a house with some love and affection.

So, being the nice person that I am (and actually, because I want a dog but am moving apartments soon), I decided to give this temporary pooch a try. I have only had her for about two weeks now, but I've noticed something strange.

When you have a dog, people talk to you. And they don't just talk to you, they talk in baby talk to the dog first, then you. I have talked to so many people in my neighborhood in the past two weeks - people who always see me around and have never said shit to me - and suddenly, i've got a canine and everyone's my friend.

What the hell is that all about?

I mean, I was living here first, right? And the conversation always goes like this:

neighbor: (in babytalk) "Hi there, little one. You're a good dog, aren't you? He or she?"

me: "She."

neighbor: (back to the babytalk) "Oh, you're such a good girl! You're such a good girl! And a pretty girl, too. (back to me and normal voice) You live around here?"

I'm thinking: no, shithead, I'm just walking the dog in your neighborhood. What the hell do you think?

What I actually say: "Yeah, I live right over there" (point to the building)

neighbor: "Oh."

And while I'm on the subject, can someone please tell me why people don't clean up after their dogs? I mean, it's nasty. Here, in East Harlem, we play "Dodge the Doggie Doo" every time we step out of our building. C'mon people. I clean up after mine, clean up after yours so I don't have to clean up my shoes later. It makes the neighborhood stink and it's just an all around pain in the ass.

Of course, it's not as bad as I make it out to be, it just happens to be nasty and disgusting, that's all.

That takes care of that one.